Using Self-Compassion to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

Self-compassion starts with noticing how we criticise ourselves.

Low self-esteem can feel like a relentless inner critic, whispering doubts and criticisms that chip away at our confidence. It shapes how we see ourselves, how we navigate relationships, and even how we approach opportunities in life. Many people struggling with low self-esteem believe they need to be harder on themselves to improve, yet research consistently shows that the opposite is true. Being kinder to ourselves, through self-compassion, is not about letting ourselves off the hook—it’s about creating a supportive internal environment where growth and healing can flourish.

Why Self-Compassion Matters

When working with low self-esteem, it’s common to focus on shifting negative self-beliefs, challenging unhelpful thinking patterns, and recognising achievements. While these are all important, without self-compassion, they can sometimes feel like an uphill battle. Imagine trying to build confidence while a voice in your head constantly tells you that you’re not good enough. Self-compassion helps soften that voice, allowing us to relate to ourselves with warmth and understanding, even when we struggle.

Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) both acknowledge that our minds are wired for self-criticism as a survival strategy. The brain evolved to detect threats quickly, including social threats like rejection or failure. For some, especially those with early experiences of criticism, neglect, or rejection, this threat system is on high alert, leading to patterns of self-judgment that reinforce low self-esteem.

Self-compassion helps us shift out of this harsh, threat-based mode and into a state of care, validation, and encouragement. It invites us to acknowledge our struggles without self-condemnation and to respond with the same kindness we would offer a friend. Research shows that self-compassion is linked to greater resilience, emotional regulation, and even improved motivation—making it an essential ingredient in healing from low self-worth.

Moving Away from Self-Criticism

One of the biggest barriers to self-compassion is the belief that we don’t deserve kindness or that being kinder to ourselves will make us complacent. Many people fear that without their inner critic pushing them, they will not improve or achieve their goals. However, studies indicate that self-compassionate people are not only more motivated but also more likely to take responsibility for mistakes and persist in the face of setbacks.

Consider this: if a child was struggling in school, would harsh criticism help them do better, or would support and encouragement give them the confidence to keep trying? The same principle applies to adults. When we meet our difficulties with understanding rather than judgment, we reduce shame, which in turn helps us engage more constructively with our challenges.

In therapy, we often work on identifying the self-critical voice, understanding where it comes from, and gradually replacing it with a more compassionate, balanced perspective. This does not mean ignoring mistakes or difficulties, but rather holding them with kindness and seeing them as part of the shared human experience. Everyone struggles at times, and being imperfect does not make us unworthy of care.

Cultivating a Compassionate Mind

Self-compassion is not just a concept; it’s a practice. Like strengthening a muscle, it requires consistent effort to develop. Compassion-focused exercises help us shift from self-criticism to self-support, training our minds to engage in a new way of relating to ourselves. Many of these practices involve activating the soothing system in the brain, which counterbalances the harsh, critical patterns that contribute to low self-esteem.

Some people find self-compassion challenging at first, especially if they have spent years in self-critical cycles. This is entirely normal. The good news is that with practice, the compassionate mind becomes more accessible. The more we practice self-kindness, the more familiar it feels, and over time, it can reshape our self-perception.

If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, I encourage you to try incorporating small acts of self-compassion into your daily life. This might mean offering yourself kind words in difficult moments, allowing yourself to rest when you need it, or simply acknowledging your efforts rather than focusing on perceived failures.

Self-compassion is not about denying struggle or difficulty—it’s about meeting those challenges with warmth and understanding rather than self-judgment. Over time, this shift in mindset can have a profound impact, making space for self-worth to grow and for confidence to emerge naturally.

If you’d like to explore self-compassion further, I’ve created a set of exercises designed to help you develop this skill in a structured way.

Self-compassion exercises